From Scared to Joyful in 2 minutes Flat!

Well, as some of you know we had a bit of a scare this month.  I had recently found a suspicious lump on my breast and with my Mom having had breast cancer 15 years ago, we were concerned.  I went to our family doctor to get a consultation and see what to do next.  She in fact found the lump and recommended that I go and have a mammogram and ultrasound.  I had 5 days of wondering and imagining what would happen if this were in fact cancer before my appointment arrived.  For most of those 5 days I just kept busy and didn't try to think or talk too much about it.  But, in my heart and my own mind, I was scared.  It wasn't until the night before my appointment that I allowed myself to outwardly deal with the possibilities.  I wept that night in the shower as I thought of what it would mean for me to leave behind small children and a husband.  I know this was a very fatalistic view, but it was the first time I had ever considered what my life was... and what it might be like for those I love if I were no longer around.  I wept for myself more than anyone else... I wept for the missing of all the firsts and milestones of my kids ... the first ride on a bike without training wheels, the first loves, the first kiss, the graduations, weddings, first grand babies...  and for Chris and I... more children, our 10th, 25th and 50th wedding anniversaries, a home alone again...  It was an overwhelming sense of loss... and I hadn't even had my appointment!  But, the conclusion I came to that night was that in all these things, I am merely a visitor... God has great things planned, whether I am around to see them here on earth or in heaven.  Knowing that my Maker and my Abba Father has all things under his control gave me a sense of peace, not only about my current situation, but with regards to all of life, my own and that of those I love.  In the release of all of these fears I was able to find joy... Joy in the now and in every moment I have been given...  That is a real freedom that is priceless.

The next morning, I woke up, got dressed, took Bo and my Mom with me and went to my appointment.  After my scans and some time alone on a table in a cold room I got the results that I knew God had control over.... all clear... all normal... nothing to be concerned about.  What a blessing!  I truly went from scared of the unknown to joyful resting in God's hands in 2 minutes flat!